


Maybe, Just Maybe

by fightsnotfeelings



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Bad Poetry, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, LGBTQ Themes, Loneliness, Poetry, mentioned LGBTQ, might delete, over thinking, writers block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:29:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28840173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightsnotfeelings/pseuds/fightsnotfeelings
Summary: Working on getting out of a writer's blockPoem about loneliness and being /that/ friend
Kudos: 1





	Maybe, Just Maybe

I’ve been falling apart  
I’ve put plenty of thought  
Probably too much to be considered normal  
Into the fact that maybe  
Just maybe I might be alone forever

I don’t ever get text messages  
Or phone calls  
As much as I deny it, I’m really not that important  
No one reaches out  
Just to have a conversation  
Only if they need the answers to homework  
Or something concerning school

I feel like I’m being annoying  
From the ten message rants  
To the edits of a movie character  
That I’m almost always sending to the group chat  
Of my two best friends

But really they don’t meet the qualifications  
We occasionally chat  
Sending back and forth memes and jokes  
But only if I text first

I was struggling with something  
Something my friend knew about  
I made it into a joke  
Saying I was a lesbian in denial  
Followed by laughing emojis  
She responded with the same energy  
With the laughing emojis

It was hard to carry on the chat  
My heart was racing as I desperately tried to keep the flow  
Topics ranging from drawing and reading  
To never coming out and annoying siblings

I stopped dead in the middle  
And realized how worked up I was  
Trying so desperately to keep up the conversation  
Working to keep her interested  
That’s when I realized  
I liked her

Maybe the term “like,” was an understatement  
She constantly filled my thoughts  
From when I was driving down the road  
To when I was laying in bed  
I always imagined her right next to me

But we barely talk

I called her one night  
She picked up on the first ring  
I was panicking and my haggard breathing filled the speaker  
She helped me calm down  
Told me it was alright  
My mother then came into the room  
I told my friend I had to go  
And hung up

I never got a follow-up message  
Or another call  
Asking how I was  
The event long forgotten

At this point  
I’d accepted the fact that maybe  
Just maybe  
I might be alone forever

I don’t have any friends  
I can’t carry on conversations  
I refuse to show affection to my family  
And I can’t imagine ever meeting  
Or befriending anyone new

I imagined myself  
Ten years in the future  
Alone in an apartment  
The same boring routine  
Waking up and going to work  
Going grocery shopping then returning home  
Eating dinner and going to bed

There’d be nothing important  
Or exciting about my life  
Maybe an occasional coworker  
Would ask how I was doing  
Ask If I would like to grab dinner with a couple of their friends  
Only because someone had canceled  
And there was an extra spot

Maybe  
Ten years in the future  
I’d have lots of friends  
People would text and call  
Just because they were bored  
Not because they needed me  
Maybe everything would be alright

Even now I do have friends  
There’s those who I do sports with  
Who I play with in band class  
Those who I could sit with at lunch  
Old friends who have graduated and moved on

I have four close friends  
All in a group chat no one talks in  
Two of them in another  
But I don’t talk to any of them

I bet that If they made plans  
But only four spots were available  
They’d still go  
Just without me  
Because I’d be the disposable one

Sure there are all these people that I know  
That are called friends  
But they’re really just acquaintances  
They’re just more people that I’ll pass in the hallway

I think that I’m selfish  
Because I know some people have it worse than me  
I feel like I’m just an attention seeker  
But maybe I am

I don’t show affection  
The last time I was hugged was by a coworker 3 months ago  
I don’t carry conversations  
All because I lack the experiences  
And I stayed locked in my room

But maybe  
I can find the missing affection  
The care that I lack  
In the conversations with my grandmother  
Maybe it’s the way  
The gives me her undivided attention  
When I’m talking about the new book I got  
Or about something that happened in my favorite show  
Or how she absolutely adores the fanart I drew  
Of my favorite anime character

Or maybe  
I can find the missing affection  
The care that I lack  
In the way, my younger sister lingers on  
Annoying as she is  
Obnoxious as she can be  
She still somehow notices when I’m in a bad mood  
When I’m hating everyone in the world  
And ready to give up  
Maybe it’s the way she’ll talk about a new world she created in Minecraft  
Or the way she killed someone in Among Us  
Maybe it’s her over obsession with the character Kuroo  
And how she’ll ask to see pictures, episodes, and edits of him

Or maybe  
I can find the missing affection  
The care that I lack  
In the stories I read  
Getting annoyed when my eyes dart to the last line  
And the story is spoiled  
Or the shows that I watch  
Cheering on my favorite characters as they finally reach the peak  
When my favorite characters finally breakthrough

Maybe  
I can find what I’m lacking  
In what I have  
Rather than what I want  
Rather than thinking of what’ll come

To focus on the now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, leave your thoughts ;^;
> 
> Discord-- highonlavendar#1505


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